Odd Thoughts

I was thinking about how the status symbols of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on.  I can't afford one so I'm wearing my garage door opener. 

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway. 

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans! 

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball but you are  just too tired to bounce it. 

I thought about making a movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust" 

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease.... that's when your chest is falling into your drawers! 

You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I wanted to say, "No, it's for company!" 

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks? 

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write . . . A Good Doctor! 

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail? 

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more 
as they get older then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals. 

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